the Rock, (the rain, and the glory). part two.

The rock was just like so many of the other ones that line the rubble and trash on the side of many of the roads in our city. It was small and worn, about the size of my fist. And I couldn’t stop looking at it. After all that had happened in the days prior to this one, I learned not to count anything strange, but what is with this rock? Father, what are you trying to say?
The truth is, He was saying more than I will ever know. The 3 days prior to this one, all I could see was one thing.

Darkness.

That’s all I see, Father, total and utter darkness. He opened my eyes to it in a new way one night. Well, more like He came in and rocked me to the core – think “force of a hurricane, ferocity of a tidal wave, speed of a tornado, and impact of a plane crash” type rocking. A big one.

My eyes were opened to it, to a depth not yet realized in my 24 years. The wonderful, precious bubble of small town, church going life, it took a 2x4 to the head. Do I despise my upbringing? Absolutely not, for it made me the lover of people and mercy and sweet tea that I am today. But the Father desired to broaden that view a little more, desired to fit a bigger view of Him into my perspective.

This view, however, began with this revelation. The world is lost.

Now I know, “Duh,” is probably what you’re thinking. And well, honestly, it is what I would’ve said too. That’s not it though. I just came face to face with the evil. Face to face. And it was overwhelming, oppressive, and very, very real.

So the rock, well what in the world are You saying Father? I haven’t noticed anything but these women with their heads covered and these idols and these people in chains for days. I’ve cried and yelled and begged for you to break through. To show me You. Why this rock?
And with more force than the entire hurricane in my heart, He says this,

“It declares My glory.”

Oh, gotcha. I literally laughed out loud sitting on my motorbike, which was quite a miracle given my then current emotional state. “You’re right.” is what I said to Him. Of course, He knows that, but who doesn’t like to hear that when it’s true? And I’m so thankful that with Him, He’s always right. He’s always true. And so, from that point, He began this work. Well, not really. He began it long ago, but this season’s work, it began there. The expansion of His greatness and goodness and sovereignty started right there.

“That tree, it declares My glory.
That rain, it declares My glory.
Those clouds, that grass, those flowers, that sun? Those too.
That person, who is made in My image? Him too.”

Father generally has to start with the basics for my much loved, but so stubborn heart. And so He did. My faith was so weak, and He used a rock to cry out, “He’s glorious!”

And what’s more, that rock was an Ebenezer in this season. “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, “Till now the L0RD has helped us” (1 Samuel 7:12) Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I come. Thanks, “Come Thou Fount” for teaching me so much in one line of a hymn.

He literally used a rock to show me that He is the Rock. That I can bank on Him. That I can trust His glory will come through His kingdom coming on this earth, in this country, on this island, in this city. And it’s only “by His help” that I come, that I can even raise my Ebenezer. I know it’s true. When all I can see is what I see, He gives me the faith to see what I cannot see. That He is here. I can’t do it, but He can. He can bring beauty from ashes. And through the ashes my previous perspective, He is making all things new.

Whoever thought a rock could teach me all that?

the Rock, the rain, and the glory. part one.

To be honest, my life is run by “shoulda’s.” I should have done this or that. I should have tried harder. I should have looked at things from a different perspective. I should have opened my mouth. I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have, I should have, I should have.

Well you know what a lot of “shoulda’s” leave? A whole heapin’ mess of guilt. Operating like that for too long, it is one of the most crippling things I can do to myself. I know this very logical truth, yet do I still fall into the trap? Of course. I’m human. And I’m much like a man I greatly respect who says, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” And it is when I sit and think about the source that I learn more than I ever thought I would.

I haven’t written much in a long time. And there’s a good reason. It’s hard. It’s hard to write about lessons that the Father is teaching me, because most all of them these days are born out of my own brokenness. And if my life was my own, I certainly wouldn’t be writing them down for the world to read; yet, “it is not I who live, yet [He] who lives within me.” So what am I to do with that? Oh, yeah. Obey. And we are called to walk this road together, so if His work in my life glorifies His Name and causes others to do the same, then I want to share it.

Living in this country has made me closer to the Father than any other experience of my entire life. And you know what? It’s exhausting being close to Him. It really is. It’s exhausting dying every single day. It’s exhausting being poured out. It’s exhausting learning language. It’s exhausting being constantly intentional. It’s exhausting being totally and utterly dependent on Him. And you want to know why?

Because I am human. And we, as a whole, love too much our own lives and desires and schedules and plans and relationships. And the fight is what is exhausting. The fight between my flesh and Him. And in my heart, oh how I wish it was different! How I wish I would always do the thing I want to do! Yet, here we are. Me writing to you about my shortcomings and my failures. And I’m tired. I’m tired. Of me. Always getting in the way.

There’s this constant bondage to self and sin that I still walk in. Seriously, I thought I was done with that? The thing is, Father is done with that. Remember, Morgan, “It is finished.” You just never really realize fully how much we need the Good News. Every. Single. Second. And I’m learning that more and more. I’m living as a slave to something that I’ve already been set free from. How dumb is that? I mean, when you really think about it, what slave, no longer bound by the law, would still desire it? I mean, it is comfortable, because it’s a pattern. But yet, when I see glimpses of the freedom that surrendering brings, I crave it. I crave to believe that I, truly, in and of myself, cannot do it. And moreover, be okay with that.

I can’t do it.

There’s a difference in typing that and saying that, and then having to actually mean it and believe it. And these past 10 weeks, I really, totally, completely have believed that I cannot. How’s that for blowing the “shoulda’s” out of the water? No amount of striving on my part can achieve a standing with Father different than the one I already have. Innocent, holy, dearly loved, child. And in coming to the end of myself, I realize that surrendering to that, welllllll, it brings so much freedom.

I can’t do it. These 10 weeks, there has been no back up plan. There has been no B. There’s been no, “oh, I can survive this season.” My pleadings have been, over and over again, “If You don’t show up, Father, I don’t know how I’m going to do this.”

Y’all, He did. He showed up every single time.

So I feel obligated in thankfulness and humility to talk about it. To talk about what has happened in the past 10 weeks. The good, bad, and ugly.

Because I can’t, but He can.

the top button.

Then Moses said, “Now show me Your glory.”

And the [Father] said, “I will cause all My goodness to pass in front of you…”
Exodus 33:18-19

It happened. The same thing happens again and again in this place, I learn lessons that I thought I had nailed down for a long time. The goodness of our Father, that’s a new one. Growing up in a small town and in the church, while I am ever grateful and thankful for it, did lead me to have perhaps a false impression of the general state of the world. It’s bad, y’all. Some of you know that because you’re not quite as sheltered or just as self-proclaimed optimistic as I am. Generally, I enjoy seeing only the best in people, to my own detriment sometimes.

I had the opportunity recently to glean some wisdom from someone whom I greatly respect. It met me right where I was at. In living over here, I don’t know if it’s because it’s a different culture, different worldview, different perspective, or merely a different lifestyle, but it is much easier to see the world with a more realistic perspective. I feel the weight of the fallen-ness (mine and mankind’s) in a way that I had not yet realized. It can leave you questioning, well scratch that, it had left me questioning.

How can You see all this happening and remain as You are? How can You send Your own Son for this mess? How can You know and not act? How does this work, Father, because I KNOW You are good, but I can’t see it?

Enter Psalm 73.

“Truly [He] is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked…”

Asaph’s being totally honest. He knows of Father’s goodness, but he’s struggling. He writes on to talk about how he just sees desolation, wickedness, and slander. And Asaph, man, he just can’t see it. He knows it, but he can’t see it.

”But when I thought how to understand all this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of [Father]; then I discerned their end.”

Good job, Asaph. Go into the sanctuary. Isn’t that what we all need? To go into the sanctuary. Fix our eyes on JC, and look at eternity. Their end is not our end.

Asaph resolves,
“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
And…
“But for me, it is good to be near [Father]…”

Stay with me for a few more minutes, friends. I love the progression. I know Father is good. I can’t see it, but I know it. I’m struggling because of all this wickedness, my own and in the world. I go into the sanctuary. I ask Father to reveal Himself. He shows me. There is no one but Him, and then for me, I see Father is good. He is good, and for me, He is good.

The transformation that the goodness of Father has in our lives is imperative to seeing.

The Father uses His goodness to proclaim His glory.


Just like Moses, when he asked to see Father’s glory, what did Father show Moses?
His goodness.


That’s the core, the central truth to all of it. That’s the basis for all my other judgments of the attributes of our Father. This greatly respected man I was telling you about, he calls it “the top button.” Like when you’re buttoning your shirt, how did you learn? Do you start in the middle? Not normally, because then you wind up at the end with an extra button or an extra hole and the two sides of the shirt are out of whack. You start at the top when you button your shirt, so that everything lines up, even until the end.


His goodness has to be the top button. Then, when things knock you down, when conflict or struggle or battle comes, when this world is overwhelming, your top button is still buttoned. His omniscience, His justice, His mercy, His omnipotence – they all come through the lense of His goodness. He is good, and I don’t know how this current mess all plays out, but I know the end. I know He’s good. His goodness proclaims His glory. And that’s what He’s all about.


The top button is buttoned.

24 years.

Welp, it happened, a few weeks ago now. I grew another year older. To be honest, this year felt very different than many years in the past. Why is that, you ask? Well, I believe it has something to do with the millions of beautiful brown people that surround me on a daily basis. They got me thinking about what I’ve learned, specifically in this past year of life. What I discovered though, is that this lesson themes throughout my entire life.

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. 

Hebrews 13:20-21

All of that verse is exceedingly, abundantly true. I know that because I know that the Word is inerrant, but I also know that because I have lived knowing that Father has, is, and will do all of this working in my life.

What I can’t get past though currently (not that I want to), is that He is “the great Shepherd of the sheep.” Let’s learn together, shall we?

shep·herd/ˈSHepərd'Noun: A person who tends and rears sheep.

There are a lot of shepherds in the good book. There’s Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, the twelve tribes, Moses, King David, Amos, and of course the shepherds to whom the birth of the Son was announced. Not to mention, the King of kings – the Word calls Him the Good Shepherd (John 10).

What does a shepherd do? What have all of these people done throughout the course of His story? They have taken care of the sheep. That’s obvious, one might think, but to grasp the magnitude of this fact is no small task. And in 24 years, I’ve just learned only a fraction of how much a shepherd cares for his sheep, how much my Shepherd cares for His sheep.

The One who walked this earth as a man, who bore my sin, who rose on the third day, who defeated death, who reigns victorious, who always wins, who is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, this One takes care of me. He is my shepherd. In all of my life, in every season, He takes such good care of us. He knows us. He knows how to comfort us, how to provide for us, how to encourage us, how to refine us, how to make us like Him.

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).”

That is no small thing.

the good, the bad, and the “HORAS!”

I don’t know if I’ve told you about my neighbors. Oh, my sweet, sweet neighbors. Next to my house, there is a kos. A kos is like a dorm, with young people renting rooms and sharing a main living area, kitchen, etc. Well, most of the students that live in this kos belong to the Batak tribe. If you spend much time on this island, or in this country for that matter, you’ll quickly understand the reputation that follows this tribe. To be honest, most of them seem to be quite proud of the loud, overpowering, sometimes stubborn, almost manic preconceived notions that characterize the people of their culture. It’s true though. Most of the time, I really enjoy these Batak people. They are a little more my style than the quiet, reserved, always so gracious people from another tribe here. Now, of course, with everyone on the planet, sometimes you just need a break.

My neighbors, while I love them, sometimes drive me crazy. They love to sing, LOUDLY. It does not matter how much or little talent you have either. Most people here, they have some mad guitar skills. Seriously, it’s impressive. I can handle that. They are loud, no doubt, but I generally stay up later than they do, so I have a hour or two of quiet after they’ve gone to sleep.

What I didn’t anticipate is what noise filled my room a few weeks ago. It’s pretty early in the morning, maybe around 7ish. I wake up to a new noise, almost like a recorder. Who plays a recorder that isn’t in elementary school or a music education class ? I don’t know. I remember my roommate learning to play some songs on one while we were in college. Good times, ha! Anywayssssss, that’s what I hear at 7 a.m. Not only that, but in all seriousness, it is the theme from “The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly.” I kid you not. Although mornings aren’t my favorite, I laughed out loud at the reality of what was actually happening at that moment.

As far as the weeks after that, it became less and less amusing, until this weekend. We went to one of the treasures of this country – a beautiful lake only a few hours from my house.






See what I mean? Gorgeous. The photographs don’t even come close to doing it justice. We went for one of my national friend’s birthday. I did a lot sitting, a lot of reading, a lot of coffee drinking, and a lot of listening to Father’s voice. We even went out on bikes and explored a little. We ate some of the most delicious fresh fish. It was wonderful. One of my favorite parts was Saturday night. They had a traditional Batak song and dance night. Around 7 p.m., 5 beautiful girls and a full band showed up. We sang, danced, laughed, and had an awesome time.




It was in the midst of all of this carrying on that I noticed one of the instruments…somewhat foreign in appearance, but the sound was so very familiar…the recorder. Well, the village version. All of a sudden, the annoying sound I hear every morning became very different. Now, don’t get me wrong, it will still be less than welcomed sometimes, but I see where it comes from. Honestly, I see where the people come from. You see, there are about 3 million people that live in my city with me – my loud, harsh, overbearing, very crowded city. Those people aren’t far removed from this place though - the village.


And in seeing where they came from, I understand more and more about them. The more I know them, the more I love them. The same is true of our Father. The more I know Him, the more I love Him. Out of that also, the more I know Him, the more I love them. In knowing Him and knowing them, I grow to love them more and more.


As I was a participant in one of the traditional dances, one of the sweetest old men I’ve ever met spoke to us (in English, impressively!) about the meaning of one the the words in the Batak language here. Each tribe, aside from knowing the national language, also has a tribal language. I’ve heard them use “Horas!” as a greeting, but I’m not sure if anyone had ever explained to me the full meaning. Come to find out, it’s because it can mean just about whatever you want it to mean, “’Horas!’ can mean ‘Hello, Greetings, Good to see you, Good luck, Good-bye…”





For me, it served as a precious reminder of the rich beauty of these people and this culture. What a good Father to give such a real reminder of His goodness in this place. What a great privilege it is to serve Him all the days of my life! And although there is an ocean between me and much that I love, I know that I would never have traded moments like that night.

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
   we wait for you;
your name and renown
   are the desire of our hearts.
Isaiah 26:8

the voice.

I’m laying beside my little buddy and we’re talking about his day. One of the many joys of living in this city is being able to hang out with this one particular family of four. Tonight, it’s just me and the kiddos, and I still count it all joy.

“So how was your day?” I asked.

We talk about random things – playing with trains, making messes, eating McDonald’s, and then we decide to tell stories. I chose to let the Good Book help me out a little. We said some prayers, and I tell him that I’m still going to be here after he falls asleep, and he can come get me if he needs anything, that I’ll be close by.

Then he asks to call his Dad. Not out of the norm, which his Dad had already told me. I dial the number and hand him the phone. “Hey Dad…I love you Dad…I wanted to tell you goodnight Dad…okay…I love you Dad…” That’s all. No crying, no whining, no anything. Just wanted to hear his Father’s voice.

And after that?

Peace. He goes straight to sleep. He’s not upset. He’s not stalling. He just hugs me and says goodnight.

I started thinking. In the same way, how much do I long to hear the Father’s voice? How much peace and rest comes in knowing that He speaks and He listens? How precious is the joy of knowing that He is always there and I can always call upon Him?

My little buddy didn’t need to see his Dad. He didn’t need reach out and touch him. In that moment, all he needed to do was to hear his voice. That was enough.

And y’all, it’s enough for us. It is His voice that constantly reminds me that “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen,” as it says in Hebrews 11.  My buddy didn’t have to see his Dad to know that he existed. He knew his Dad enough to know that his voice was the guarantee that He is. There was peace simply knowing that his Dad is.

The same is true of the Father. We don’t, with our human eyes, see the Father, but we know that He exists. How? Because He speaks.

    Ascribe to the LORD, O heavenly beings,
        ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
    Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
        worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness.
    The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
        the God of glory thunders,
        the LORD, over many waters.
    The voice of the LORD is powerful;
        the voice of the LORD is full of majesty.
   
The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
        the LORD breaks the cedars of Lebanon.
    He makes Lebanon to skip like a calf,
        and Sirion like a young wild ox.
    
    The LORD sits enthroned over the flood;
        the LORD sits enthroned as king forever.
    May the LORD give strength to his people!
        May the LORD bless his people with peace!
(Psalm 29 ESV)

We know He is because He speaks. And His voice, it fills His people with peace. It is filling me with peace when I’m far away from friends who are struggling. It is filling my friends with peace after they lost their unborn baby, with peace as the literal storm rages on the other end of the island, and with peace in my family’s heart even though we are miles apart. There is peace in the assurance that the Maker of the universe is our Father, “and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Peace comes from knowing and hearing His voice, believing all that He is and all that He has said He will do. And sometimes a little boy and a bedtime routine have to remind me.

And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”
(Mark 4:39-41 ESV)

strangely familiar.

As of today, it has been four months since I stepped foot on this island. As of today, it has been four months of changes – changes in language, changes in living, changes in eating, changes in loving, and, most importantly, changes within. There are a lot of things here which become more and more normal as I live here, and there are other things that will never cease to feel foreign. Also, there are things that I have forgotten used to be normal for me. So today, in honor of my new normal, and for your reading enjoyment, I’m going to list some of these things out.


Things I don’t say/do/hear anymore:
1. “I wonder if I need a sweater.”
2. “I wonder if this is spicy.” (Answer: It is.)
3. Drive in a lane. What are lanes?!?
4. Get everything in one place.
5. Choose. In a lot of different things. You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit, right Mom?
6. Sit in an air-conditioned house.
7. A lot of people who’s first language is English. This is still weird to me.
8. Brush my hair…because my hair is hardly ever straight. This curly, “Hagrid-like” mop on my head is untameable, I tell ya!
9. “I wonder if they have rice.” Ere’body’s got rice.
10. “That was way easier than I thought it was going to be.” Okay, so maybe this phrase isn’t totally removed from my vocabulary, but it almost is!


Things that I do/say/hear now that are the same(ish):
1. Drink a lot of coffee. This activity might have exponentially increased now that I live on coffee island.
2. “I love you.”
3. Smile. Cheesy, I know, but it is the same in every language!
4. Sannnnnnnnnnnnng. A lot of singing goes on in my house, in the market, on the street, in the mall…
5. Sweat, although this too, has exponentially increased. And dry season is just starting…
6. Get mail. Although now, it is exponentially more treasured and exponentially more wonderful! Also, it is sometimes exponentially more difficult to receive…but get it I do, one way or the other! I have some good “get it done” genes!
7. Go to the  mall. Eat, shop, buy groceries, see a movie, and, my personal new favorite, go to ACE Hardw@re. I go to ACE and pretend I’m in T@rget. Is this bad? Don’t answer that.
8. Take a shower. Although now, almost every day I take two. You can’t get into your bed at night with SE Asian dirty feet (or I can’t anyway)!
9. Cook. Yummmmmmmmmm. I’m going to miss having so many cheap fruits and veggies! Although you won’t see the likes of too many pre-made sauces, soups, or anything of the sort around these parts!
10. Live my life. I’m the same. I have the same shortcomings and the same country accent (which sometimes turns ghetto). I still love to be crafty and compassionate and colorful (especially my fingernails). I still love the same things and the same people; Father is just growing my heart to love even more.


Things I say/do/hear now that I didn’t before:
1. “I’m gonna take a becak to the market.” Go to the mall and the market in the same day.
2. “Does this milk have to be refrigerated?”
3. Argue with my driver over 30 cents. (Translated – “I am not paying 80 cents to get there! The normal price is 5o cents!”) Haha, it matters!
4. Have my feet exfoliated (eaten) by baby fish!
5. Kill multiple ants on a daily basis.
6. Eat food off a cart from the street. (Yes, I know the risks. Yes, I’ve suffered from the risks. Yes, I still eat it. YUM!)
7. SPEAK IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE! Oh yeah! And oh yeahhhhhh, still working on that one. Daily.
8. Celine, Whitney (RIP), or some 90s boy band playing in stores and on the street. On a daily basis. Also, the little eating place at the end of our street plays The Beatles! It’s so nice to walk out to “Love, love me do…you know I love you…”
9. Avoid large, LARGE holes while walking down the street. My roommate may or may not have fallen in one during rainy season.
10. Have cats (and other animals) live on my roof, on my terrace, and in my yard.
11. Live with a bunch of geckos (known here as cicaks :: chee-chaks) crawling on my walls. They have the cutest little babies! We have 3 that live in our kitchen, a couple in our living room, and a whole bunch on the awning above our front terrace. They eat bugs…terima kasih cicaks!
12. Think that a meal that costs more than $5-6 dollars is REALLY expensive! We like to float around the $2-3 category.
13. Have someone tell me I’m beautiful every day. I’m really going to miss this one!!
14. “That massage was so cheap!!”
15. Personally, one of the weirdest, yet most normal, but still most "alerting" things I hear every day is the call. The call happens 5 times a day, every single day, and it is a call for Muslim people here to pray. It ranges in length, and no matter where you are, there is a masjid close enough by where you can hear it. The first one starts around 3:30 AM. The last finishes around 8:00 PM. Here’s a brief moment:

THE Masjid.

Some days here are harder. Some days here are just the same. And, maybe, some days here might even be easier. But what I know is this: Every day is worth it.


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to [the Son], the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of G0d. Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.
(Hebrews 12:1-3)

cooking 101.

This weekend we had a little fun. I asked for some help in becoming more and more like my people here, and of course, we all love to eat! A couple of my friends came over to cook some traditional food here. Now, first, let me tell you…they love to fry things, so that was quite an experience! But the number one thing I wanted to learn to make: Sambal.

“What is sambal?” you might ask. As far as the quantity consumed, I would liken it to ranch dressing in America. Or maybe ketchup (since that comes from tomatoes). Actually, they may consume enough of it here that it would equal the amount of ranch dressing AND ketchup consumed in America. THEY LOVE IT. And well, I do too.

It’s ingredients are simple. Some garlic, small red onion, tomato, and red pepper (cabe merah aka SPICY little guy). Now you can also add some lime (which I personally love, haha), but that’s less traditional. We were going for home with this one. All in all, a spicy and delicious sauce for just about anything you’d like. I’ll explain a little more as the pictures comes up!


My sweeeeeeeeeeet friends!



These are most of the ingredients you needed for our meal (minus chicken, rice, eggs, and a few other things).



They are skilled choppers!



My friend is slicing up the tempe (like a soybean cake). I LOVE THIS STUFF, especially when you do what we did to it….





My friend getting all the ingredients ready for Sambal. Remember how I told you this one was number one on my list? YUM.

          Before and after!


   




It’s a “little” hot here anyways, but the kitchen heats up in a hurry! We took a little break.



So here is the finished product! Ayam Sambal (Sambal Chicken) & Tempe Goreng (Friend Tempe)! Yes, we battered & fried that soybean cake, and yes, it is DELICIOUS!


 
Of course, we had to have fried rice too!! Can you count how many fried things I ate last night? Yes, Jillian Michaels and I had a date after that!

seasons.

Today, I am feeling guilty because I haven’t written anything on this blog for over a month. January has been really busy, but not too busy to post something! Forgive me, if you’re in the habit of reading this story of mine, because I have been lazy. Jangan malas (Don’t be lazy)!! What’s coming in the next month though, is a whirlwind of funny stories, life lessons, and some photographs (I hope, yet to be taken) of my life. So much of that has been swirling around in my head, and it is time to get it down in writing.

Today was a kick-start for the blog. Today was a day that I’ve been thinking about for a long time.

Well, let me back up for a minute.

We’ve been studying this wonderful language here for three months. We finished on Friday. We finished on Friday!!! That doesn’t mean I’m done learning, but the formal classroom language school is over. We actually went out for ice cream during our final evaluation, ordered it ourselves, and talked with some people. Later that night, we went over to our language teacher (also good friend)’s house for a sleep over…complete with TV! Haha, it had been a long time since I’d watched TV. And wouldn’t you know? White Collar was playing. Father just knows what we need all the time. (Yes, I like TV. Sue me!) Anyways, that was a huge milestone. 3 months of language study. Over? I still can’t believe it. I can’t wait until I wake up on Monday and I don’t have to walk down the street and hail a becak and go to school.

But, in some ways, I can wait. Because the end of language school meant Rachel was leaving to go to her final destination. And it meant my constant companion for the last 4 months was not going to be here anymore. So in a lot of ways, I didn’t want it to end. Of course, the end came. My mom used to quote Hope Floats to me a lot…

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad. But it’s the middle that counts the most…
Thanks, Mom. Those are some very true words. We took Rach to the airport this morning.



It was a sweet and hard goodbye. But you know, I’ve seen His faithfulness over and over and over again, and I know that I will continue to. So while I’ll be once again finding a “new normal,” I know that He provides. The beginning was scary. The ending was sad.

The middle counted the most.

After a sweet and emotion-full morning, tonight we all gather together. There was so much joy in tonight for so many reasons, but one thing a dear friend said really stuck with me. Of course, it comes from the Word.

Trust in the Father, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
- Psalm 37:3

That’s really a packed verse. Trust. Do good. Live where you are. Befriend faithfulness. Sounds a lot like what I’ve been saying to myself lately in a different way – just walk.  Intentionality has be swirling around in my head lately. Best friend says there are two types of people. Those who know and those who don’t. We walk in a manner worthy, in a manner that points every person closer to the Truth.  To befriend faithfulness.

be·friend/biˈfrend/
Verb: Act as a friend to (someone) by offering help or support.
Synonyms: assist – help – aid – support

That’s what I want to do. Befriend faithfulness. I want to act as a friend to faithfulness by offering help or support. Help it. Aid it. Give it opportunity to grow in the lives of people and in my own life. Walk intentionally. I want to faithfulness to the Father to be cultivated in me as I walk with Him over the next year or so. And the overflow…well, I want it to make an impact in lives here. It’s interesting the order that these four things come in. The most interesting, in my opinion, is that trust comes first and foremost. After that, the others follow.

So in as much as I can say on this blog, with so much more in my heart, those 4 things are my desire in this season of life.

Trust.
Do.
Dwell.
Befriend.

my best friend.

First of all, she probably won’t be too thrilled that I’m writing this post about her, so that’s why I’m not going to tell her I’m doing it until afterwards. She’s already had to put up with shenanigans like that for almost 8 years now.  What I know is, sister has walked where I’m walking right now, and she’s been speaking truth into my life.

Some days, moving far away is hard. Far away from everything you know and far away from everyone that knows you. Some days, living in a second culture is hard. Living where you don’t know what’s appropriate and where you don’t know how things are supposed to be done. Some days, you wind up feeling totally inadequate. Well, let’s just be honest, pretty much every day I wind up feeling totally inadequate.

Here’s the thing. All of this inadequacy only leads me to understand more and more of the grace the Father has lavished on us. While we are so unable, He is ever able. Able to do all things through me for His sake. Able to rescue me. Able to cover up all my mistakes and failures. Able to be enough. Able to do the work, with or without me. Able. He is able to make Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and dying a death beyond compare…

For me,

And for His Name’s sake. That's what I'm walking in right now. So I digressed away from what all of this talk has to do with my best friend. You see, most of the time on this blog when I write to y’all, often I just feel like I’m writing to her. Therefore, some of you, though you don’t know me well, really get a good story into what my thoughts, my life, my feelings, and my emotions are. You can thank her for that (or blame her, well actually, me)! All in all, so much of what I’m learning comes out on this blog. And what I’m currently learning has a lot to do with a list and a life that my best friend gave me before I stepped on to this island. If we’ll do these things, faithfully, we will walk ever increasingly with the Father and ever increasingly be transformed into the image of His Son. It looks like this:

1. Know Him.

2. Be with Him.
Some days when you feel like you’re not doing anything and all you’ve done is be with Him, that’s the best thing and that is enough because that moves us to action.

3. Learn to be satisfied in being in the background.
If no one remembers you, but they remember He was there, you’ve done enough.

4. Be hard to offend.
We’re called to be slaves and servants and to put everyone above ourselves.

5. Learn to rest.
When you’re feeling crazy and everything is chaos around you, it is okay to just sit, rest, be, and be filled up with Him.

6. Guard your heart.
Just constantly repeat to yourself, “Let the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you.”

7. Be intentional.
If we’re available, He’ll use us. Remember the two types of people.

8. Respect your authorities.
Just don’t let people keep you from what you believe the Father wants you to do.

9. Have fun!

10. Love God. Love people.
Love Him first and most, and everything else will follow.

very merry.

Selamat Natal! Merry Christmas from this beautiful country!

What is Christmas like here? I don’t think I can totally describe it with words. My heart has been so full this year for so many reasons, but most of all because a new version of Christmas has emerged.

I’ve always loved Christmas. Growing up with a Kindergarten teacher Mother and a Christmas light extraordinaire Father left little room for any sad faces during the Christmas season. Our house was filled to the brim with trees and decorations and lights and all kinds of happiness. The Grinch (for those of you who know me well) was always, always playing. You could have called us all the Holiday Cheermeister. I have a new appreciation for putting lights on the house with gloves because my fingers are so cold, and I really did miss it more than I thought I might this year. Being in this far from cold country during this season has really changed a lot about how I view Christmas. It’s not cold here, but people still drink coffee and tea like crazy. It’s highly unlikely that we’ll ever see any snow. There are a lot of things that are different, but mainly, my family ain’t in this country…well not at least my blood family.

There’s more, as there always is. This country’s weather reflects it’s people. Warm. I have never been welcomed into so many homes, invited to so many Christmas services, received as many Christmas “SMS'”, and given so many precious gifts. I’ve been asked by bule and local alike how I’m doing, how my family is, if I need anything, if I want to hang out, and on and on and on. I feel and felt so loved and cared about by so many. And you know? Even if that wasn’t the case, He would still be enough. But these people have shown me what Christmas is. That’s the message of Christmas right there. We’re never alone. Even in the darkest night, we are never alone, because He came.

Immanuel, God with us.

That’s it. He came. And I’ve been overwhelmed this Christmas season that Christmas is, in so many ways, the beginning. Of course, the Redemption story began before the foundation of the world. But the baby in the manger is the beginning in so many ways as well. It’s new this year because when I look at the manger I can’t help but look at the Cross. And I see that although I’d rather be hangin’ with the family, I know that He’s worth it. And to be honest, I’ve been filled with a really unexplainable peace and overwhelming joy this season. Of course, there are ups and downs, but I know that He is always good in all of it.

I would’ve missed this:

Some of our sweet neighbors came to our house for a Christmas party!

Long time ago in Bethlehem
So the Holy Bible say
Mary's boy child Jesus Christ
Was born on Christmas day
Hark now hear the angels sing
A new king born today
And man will live forevermore
Because of Christmas day

I got to Skype with the family so much over the holidays, what a blessing! It doesn’t look all that different than the videos above! I am so, so, SO blessed!

mail time.

The events that took place today (now, yesterday) are hard to believe. Sometimes, when I think about it, my days seem pretty normal to me, but then other times, I think about my life in America and laugh. I laugh because what I do day in and day out here is sometimes so far from my life in America that all I can do is laugh.

Today was one of those days.

I rode a becak to school, just like every other day. I went out to lunch at one of my favorite places with some awesome friends, and then we went over to D’s house to prepare for the afternoon. Oh, to preface all of this story, my sweet parents sent me a package on November 2. Said package arrived in country on November 10 and was yet to be seen. Notice the “yet” in the sentence, because today was a great day friends. Normally, packages come to the English center within a couple weeks – not the case this time.  We took matters into our own hands!

We go by taxi over to the main post office, in this really huge, really old building. We have the tracking number, so we go in to customer service. She says the package is here (please know that our local friend was helping me out with the language, haha there’s no way I could’ve done it without her!!!). It’s here! What beautiful words, but we basically had no idea what we were in for.

We walk back through a few hallways and corridors, into a part of the post office that I am sure I would never be allowed into in America. We pass by platforms with names of different cities, lots of people sorting out the packages accordingly. We walk back into an area where, well…I don’t really know what it was. We give him the form. He looks some stuff up. They talk in my new language, and they laugh and are (for some reason) impressed that I know the little bit of language that I do. He says it is here also.

He gives me a chair to sit in….that last about five seconds, because the room where the package was looked like this (I had to sneak these photos so there would be no hurt feelings, haha):

The hunt was on. I walk over to help him look and I see the customs form with my Mom’s handwriting all over it. I start crying. Mom’s in Southeast Asia! He looks at me like I’m crazy, and in broken language I tell him why. He understands, and now is helping even more!

Haha, my friend and I go searching through the packages. The “mail man” finds one! Oh, it’s for my friend who is waiting in the taxi! Haha, but there’s some hope! Oh, he finds two more! Oh, they are for my roommate…what in the world? Where is my stinkin’ package?! By this point, I’m a little bummed but resolve that it’s okay. It’s here. Right? I just keep saying “Di sini! Di sini! Itu di sini!” (Here. Here. It’s here!).

I go out and get the girls out of the taxi so they can sign for their packages (and help me hunt). We go back to one of the first piles the mail man thought it was in. Now, there is a new mail man and he’s not helping. He is pointing and telling us where to look. Really, pak? Oh, Southeast Asia. We’re searching, and Rachel finds it! We all rejoice! Haha, and then we talk some more and sign some things, and without too much trouble we're on our way!

We walk out and I’m saying “Selamat Natal (Merry Christmas!)” to everyone. Haha, they respond with “Hadiah Natal (Christmas presents)!” Wow, I am sure that they laugh at me all the time. Can you tell there was a lot of laughing today? And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT! They ask me where I’m from, are shocked when I say America (like its not obvious), are curious when I say my parents sent me presents, the whole shebang. In the midst of all of this, they are saying that we got our presents, and my sweet local friend chimes in, “yeah, but we had to find them by our self!” Haha, so true…but you know, at least I have no more doubts about ever getting a package, I might just have to find it first! It was actually a lot of fun!

Just one more way that my life is far from what I know as normal, but the “long walk part of gift” saying has never been more true. How sweet it is to get some happiness from home!

christmas in a sauna.

This weekend, we had a party at the English center for the students! It was so fun, and since I put so much seriousness on this blog of mine, I thought I’d let you in to the abundant cup of fun that is my life. For example, although it was 90 degrees, it doesn’t matter!



We can celebrate by singing Christmas carols that speak to having a “white Christmas” and to “dashing through the snow.” We ate a delicious Christmas dinner of KFC chicken and rice, along with lots of desserts! We had a gift exchange, where I got some sweet awesome glow-in-the-dark stars!



It was a great day, and it’s always encouraging to hang with the students, speak a little English, and get really excited about life after language school!

From all of us, especially for you…

corn pops and tootsie rolls.

In honor of Thanksgiving (a little late, I know!), I thought I would tell you a story. This is a story about trash. Seriously. Literal, stinking garbage. Sounds like a mood uplifter, right? Well, you see, it all started with these cats…

Oh, how I have a love/hate relationship with the cats outside our gate (and sometimes inside our gate). For one, they hang out around our trash bin. They eat our trash and drag it out all over the place. It’s annoying, you know?  But then, they take care of any rat-like animal that may be lurking near our house. So, what can I do? They drive me nuts with their late-night cat fights and trash eating, but I kind of like them because they keep the rats away. 

Cat. (It must be noted that none of these cats have what we would call “normal” tails, only adding to their peculiarity.)


These cats got me thinking though. They are eating my trash, what I’ve decided I don’t want, what I throw away. Now, probably, since we’re Americans, we throw away more than the average person here would. We’re learning, but it’s a process to learn to be less wasteful. So, they’ve probably picked a good place. But, there is restaurant upon restaurant down the street. Maybe there are bigger cats there who already claimed their territory? I don’t know, but I wonder if these cats knew it was there…would they go?

Trash bin.


Now, I know I’m crazy. Who thinks this much about cats and their eating habits? But think about it. I think it has some implications for my life. There’s this story from that Father reminds me of from time to time from when I was in high school. We had a weekend where we all gathered together, and this guy came to speak to us. Here’s the story (or best I can remember it) that he told:

It was Thanksgiving day. You know, the one where we eat like kings, with everything you can possibly think of. This day was no different – abundant turkey and casseroles and breads and side dishes and desserts galore. As everyone was busy preparing for the dinner a little later in the day, he tells us that his sister was no where to be found. He began to search for her and finally found her hiding in the pantry, eating corn pops and tootsie rolls. He looks at her, very confused and asks why on earth is she eating that when they’re about to eat a feast! “I couldn’t wait.” She responds. She couldn’t wait for a few hours to eat a feast, so she settled with corn pops and tootsie rolls.

How often am I like that?

I trade the feast for corn pops and tootsie rolls all the time. I trade the marriage banquet for the world’s garbage. I trade the wealth of riches I have in the Father for worthless things on this earth. I give it up, day in and day out. I miss the vision. I miss His glory. He is the Bridegroom, and we are the Bride. Can you imagine the most exquisite wedding banquet that ever existed? He’s preparing a table for us, even in the presence of our enemies. What on earth am I thinking? That’s just it…I’m setting my mind on worldly things, not on things above. I miss the feast because I’m too busy hiding in the pantry eating corn pops and tootsie rolls.

The same thing is true about those cats. I love how I see the Good News in so much lately. It really comes to life when you start to look for it. Now I’m not saying that those cats have a feast waiting for them, but I do know that they’re eating trash. I see how in my own life I feast on the trash of the world when the Bread of Life is offered to me. My Daily Bread has been provided, yet I scrape around, desperate to reach out and taste the world. I’m so thankful that He loves us just the way we are, yet He loves us way too much to leave us like that!

My street.

all the losers get a crown.

So, back in the day, (you know, like 8 years ago when I was in high school…) I was in love with Audio Adrenaline. I blame this on two people, mostly. However, if you had to be addicted to a band, it’s nice to have one who has already released quite a collection of music.

One of my favorites I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and there’s one line in particular…


To live this life you’ve got to lose it, and all the losers get a crown.

Weird, right? I mean, to a lot of us, it just might seem like it makes perfect sense. But does my life reflect that statement? William James said it well: “The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” But still, what does that mean? It’s still weird to me sometimes, because my heart and my actions are disconnected.

See, I feel like I want to lose my life, to spend it on something that will outlast it, but all too often I just don’t see it.

I was talking to one of my sweet sisters the other night, and she’s really the one that started this thought train. You gotta love how He teaches us through others all. the. time. My stubbornness generally lends itself to Him needing the rocks to cry out at me sometimes, haha. Honestly, we were talking about our faults, our shortcomings, and His precious, sufficient grace.

For one, I see my life spent on myself. You know, I’m thinking, “I want to take a nap, or I want to buy this or that, I want to go here or there, I want to talk to that person, I want to…I want…I.” All about me. That, for one, just makes me want to throw up sometimes when I think about it…when I think about the fact that the Creator of the Universe called me out of darkness into His marvelous light, and I want to complain about how tired I am.

But here’s where my conversation with K was at. There are other times I feel like I’m losing my life for another reason. Our circle likes to call it “investing in people.” It’s true, I am one who loves people. I love to know things about them, I love to understand how they think and process, and I love to know about their lives. If anything, it helps me show them a little extra grace when they might be acting in a way where they need it, haha. But it’s true.

The problem comes when I lose my life in their life. So many times I’ve loved so hard that it’s all I can do to find my own life apart from theirs. There’s no doubt it comes from a good place, this love, because I want what they want, I want them to know what it is to have this or that, I want them to know the Truth, I want them to have a good friend, I want them to love, I want them to be happy or successful or fruitful, on and on. And while that’s not a bad thing, my life still isn’t being used for anything that will outlast it. Those people, they’re just as much dust as I am, and to lose my life in theirs, well, it’s just a tragedy.

There is another One though. One who I am called to lose my life to. One who is Creator and Life-Giver. Oh, I’m getting it a little more now. I read in His Book about His Son and how His Son poured His life out that I might live. Sound familiar? Sound kind of like losing your life for something that will outlast it? Life after life after life, rescued from depravity and reconciled with divinity. And I know why He had to die, more than just for me. For something greater. For Someone greater. And what’s more, He rose and wears a crown as the King of kings.


To live your life you’ve got to lose it, and all the losers get a crown.

You see, we’re all made to pour our life out. It’s true that we’ll all do it in some way. Whether it’s in people, in work, in a significant other, in a pursuit, in a dream, in a child, in possessions, in power, and the like, we will lose our life. We’re made in the image of One who did that very thing. And we’re called to do the same.
The awesome thing is that we’re called to pour our lives into Someone who outlasts them. Someone who promises that He will not disappoint and who promises that if we’ll give our lives to Him, we will be truly, unconditionally, unswervingly satisfied. He modeled it for me. And that’s the catalyst – His example. Losing my life, dying daily to myself and living daily in His will and purposes, that’s where I find my life. I find the ability to really love people the way they should be loved. I find the ability to see myself as I really am, and I find I grace for all the times that I’ve poured my life out in everything other than Him. Really…


I find my life. And I see that it’s really been His all along.

And in the words of my dear friend Crowder, “When our depravity meets His divinity, it’s a beautiful collision.”

10 things.

These are 10 things, in no order or rank (mostly because I just like lists), that I am thankful for:

1. A good Book that always has the Answer. It always has comfort. And it’s “living and active, sharper than any two edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

2. Coffee. Now, I told you, this list has no order and rank (even though the #1 is probably pretty close to #1). The fact is, I can get about 1 kg of the most wonderful coffee for less than $10. You do know that 1 kg is the equivalent of 2.2 lbs. Haha, I know, crazy! It’s current 3:31 p.m., and I’ve consumed 6 cups…trying to make you proud Dad!

3. Language. No sarcasm. Trying to see this beautiful new language that makes my brain want to explode as a blessing. Because it is. It speaks to the heart of the people here. Even though, in the words of my dear friend Jess, trying to learn it makes me feel like a blazing idiot.

4. My sweet friend R, and her ability to go out with a couple of bules and help them learn language. Haha, of course she makes fun of us, but who wouldn’t?! I love her. So on days when I can’t understand the difference between someone asking, “Where do you want to go?,” “Where are you from?,” and “Where do you live?,” she is a great support. I told someone that I was from “just walking around/hanging out,” that I currently live in “Amerika” (again, not true!), and that I am originally from “[my current address].” Not the most successful day! Oh well, at least I bought some tomatoes!

5. Friends who have already walked the road I’m walking. And the advice, experience, and life they live/lived so I can learn from them, knowing that I never walk alone in a whole lot of different ways.

6. Friends who are walking the road I’m walking. The experience, life, and crazy that they are currently living, which helps me know that I’m “normal.” And provide some much needed perspective when I think I have it rough (sorry if I’ve lumped you into that perspective category)!

7. Much loved ones who have never been on the road I’m walking, but who are “walking” with me and are faithful to lift me up, encourage me, talk to me, support me, love me, send me presents, and listen.

8. Well, I don’t really know what to say after 5-7. Haha, those are more serious than I thought this post was going to be! Okay, so #8….the ability to ask how much something is. And then ability to understand numbers. You know once a girl can shop she feels better about her new home! Even if it was to buy a hammer and some painter’s tape and some vegetables!

9. Cats. Well, at first I thought this was not a blessing. But then, once I saw the rat that was “trapped” at a friend’s house…I’m thankful for the things that sit outside around our trash bin. Feel free to eat my bones and wrappers!

10. Laughter. Like when the ice cream man comes by on his bicycle playing the same song I hear every day. Or when I think my language teacher is speaking my new language when in fact she’s speaking in English. Or when I act out action verbs and ask locals what the word is in my new language. And really, the fact that everything seems funnier here.

lost in translation.

Welllll, this title applies to so many parts of my life right now! Especially considering I told a girl who is about my age today that I was 32 years old. She got a good laugh out of that one! And then when she told all the other salesgirls the story, they also roared with laughter that could be heard for quite a while throughout the store! It’s great to be the free entertainment.

It’s also great, though, to be so entertained by it all. I think I generally understand about 8 to 25% of what people are saying to me, so I just laugh and nod and hope I’m not agreeing to anything I don’t want to do! Today, Rachel and I went to the store down the street from our house, and I just wanted to share with you the treasures I found. All of these are, in fact, real t-shirts found only here in Southeast Asia! And my friends, these are only a drop in the bucket. Please enjoy…



Please note that it says, “Mr. Cupcake!”



Every day…



How great, a “Beartterfly!” Who knew?!



Haha, this applies to a few things in my life…



Some are poignant reminders of why we’re here…



And some are just too true!



Get the emotion…Haha, maybe like “We’ve got spirit!!”

I think this one might be my fave, of course…the sentimental one!

Universal cereal bus?

This is a tough competitor for my favorite…oh, Southeast Asia!