all the losers get a crown.

So, back in the day, (you know, like 8 years ago when I was in high school…) I was in love with Audio Adrenaline. I blame this on two people, mostly. However, if you had to be addicted to a band, it’s nice to have one who has already released quite a collection of music.

One of my favorites I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and there’s one line in particular…


To live this life you’ve got to lose it, and all the losers get a crown.

Weird, right? I mean, to a lot of us, it just might seem like it makes perfect sense. But does my life reflect that statement? William James said it well: “The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” But still, what does that mean? It’s still weird to me sometimes, because my heart and my actions are disconnected.

See, I feel like I want to lose my life, to spend it on something that will outlast it, but all too often I just don’t see it.

I was talking to one of my sweet sisters the other night, and she’s really the one that started this thought train. You gotta love how He teaches us through others all. the. time. My stubbornness generally lends itself to Him needing the rocks to cry out at me sometimes, haha. Honestly, we were talking about our faults, our shortcomings, and His precious, sufficient grace.

For one, I see my life spent on myself. You know, I’m thinking, “I want to take a nap, or I want to buy this or that, I want to go here or there, I want to talk to that person, I want to…I want…I.” All about me. That, for one, just makes me want to throw up sometimes when I think about it…when I think about the fact that the Creator of the Universe called me out of darkness into His marvelous light, and I want to complain about how tired I am.

But here’s where my conversation with K was at. There are other times I feel like I’m losing my life for another reason. Our circle likes to call it “investing in people.” It’s true, I am one who loves people. I love to know things about them, I love to understand how they think and process, and I love to know about their lives. If anything, it helps me show them a little extra grace when they might be acting in a way where they need it, haha. But it’s true.

The problem comes when I lose my life in their life. So many times I’ve loved so hard that it’s all I can do to find my own life apart from theirs. There’s no doubt it comes from a good place, this love, because I want what they want, I want them to know what it is to have this or that, I want them to know the Truth, I want them to have a good friend, I want them to love, I want them to be happy or successful or fruitful, on and on. And while that’s not a bad thing, my life still isn’t being used for anything that will outlast it. Those people, they’re just as much dust as I am, and to lose my life in theirs, well, it’s just a tragedy.

There is another One though. One who I am called to lose my life to. One who is Creator and Life-Giver. Oh, I’m getting it a little more now. I read in His Book about His Son and how His Son poured His life out that I might live. Sound familiar? Sound kind of like losing your life for something that will outlast it? Life after life after life, rescued from depravity and reconciled with divinity. And I know why He had to die, more than just for me. For something greater. For Someone greater. And what’s more, He rose and wears a crown as the King of kings.


To live your life you’ve got to lose it, and all the losers get a crown.

You see, we’re all made to pour our life out. It’s true that we’ll all do it in some way. Whether it’s in people, in work, in a significant other, in a pursuit, in a dream, in a child, in possessions, in power, and the like, we will lose our life. We’re made in the image of One who did that very thing. And we’re called to do the same.
The awesome thing is that we’re called to pour our lives into Someone who outlasts them. Someone who promises that He will not disappoint and who promises that if we’ll give our lives to Him, we will be truly, unconditionally, unswervingly satisfied. He modeled it for me. And that’s the catalyst – His example. Losing my life, dying daily to myself and living daily in His will and purposes, that’s where I find my life. I find the ability to really love people the way they should be loved. I find the ability to see myself as I really am, and I find I grace for all the times that I’ve poured my life out in everything other than Him. Really…


I find my life. And I see that it’s really been His all along.

And in the words of my dear friend Crowder, “When our depravity meets His divinity, it’s a beautiful collision.”

10 things.

These are 10 things, in no order or rank (mostly because I just like lists), that I am thankful for:

1. A good Book that always has the Answer. It always has comfort. And it’s “living and active, sharper than any two edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

2. Coffee. Now, I told you, this list has no order and rank (even though the #1 is probably pretty close to #1). The fact is, I can get about 1 kg of the most wonderful coffee for less than $10. You do know that 1 kg is the equivalent of 2.2 lbs. Haha, I know, crazy! It’s current 3:31 p.m., and I’ve consumed 6 cups…trying to make you proud Dad!

3. Language. No sarcasm. Trying to see this beautiful new language that makes my brain want to explode as a blessing. Because it is. It speaks to the heart of the people here. Even though, in the words of my dear friend Jess, trying to learn it makes me feel like a blazing idiot.

4. My sweet friend R, and her ability to go out with a couple of bules and help them learn language. Haha, of course she makes fun of us, but who wouldn’t?! I love her. So on days when I can’t understand the difference between someone asking, “Where do you want to go?,” “Where are you from?,” and “Where do you live?,” she is a great support. I told someone that I was from “just walking around/hanging out,” that I currently live in “Amerika” (again, not true!), and that I am originally from “[my current address].” Not the most successful day! Oh well, at least I bought some tomatoes!

5. Friends who have already walked the road I’m walking. And the advice, experience, and life they live/lived so I can learn from them, knowing that I never walk alone in a whole lot of different ways.

6. Friends who are walking the road I’m walking. The experience, life, and crazy that they are currently living, which helps me know that I’m “normal.” And provide some much needed perspective when I think I have it rough (sorry if I’ve lumped you into that perspective category)!

7. Much loved ones who have never been on the road I’m walking, but who are “walking” with me and are faithful to lift me up, encourage me, talk to me, support me, love me, send me presents, and listen.

8. Well, I don’t really know what to say after 5-7. Haha, those are more serious than I thought this post was going to be! Okay, so #8….the ability to ask how much something is. And then ability to understand numbers. You know once a girl can shop she feels better about her new home! Even if it was to buy a hammer and some painter’s tape and some vegetables!

9. Cats. Well, at first I thought this was not a blessing. But then, once I saw the rat that was “trapped” at a friend’s house…I’m thankful for the things that sit outside around our trash bin. Feel free to eat my bones and wrappers!

10. Laughter. Like when the ice cream man comes by on his bicycle playing the same song I hear every day. Or when I think my language teacher is speaking my new language when in fact she’s speaking in English. Or when I act out action verbs and ask locals what the word is in my new language. And really, the fact that everything seems funnier here.